De-Junk & Spinach

With more time in my hands, and when I don't have appointments for photo sessions or running around doing errands, I'm either trying out new recipes or decluttering.

Today I am doing both.

Cooking: I made crustless spinach quiche and curried lentils spinach soup. Both turned out to be a huge success.  I have to say, despite not being much of a cooking fan, and having lived the practice in which I cook to survive, with no additional passion nor desire for it in the past, I do a pretty good job at not botching up whatever I attempt so far. Except maybe my cookies.. which for some reason always spread out and become this flat looking potato chips.  Taste perfectly yummy still but failed, aesthetically.

I have come to the conclusion that it is not of my problem but the recipes are faulty.  Hmmph.

Decluttering: You wouldn't believe how much junk mail, advertisements one can get every week.  4-5 grocery stores will send you newsletter with their offers of the week.  Cable TV promotion with low monthly rates for 1 year.  Coupons for almost every fast food joint in the 5 mile radius. The list is endless. And then every now then, I get mails returned due to the mailman "unable to find address."  And so, these come without fail, every single week, filling up our little letter box.  So if I don't do it, we might end up in one of the episodes of "Hoarders"!

Eeps.
Okay, maybe that is a little extreme.
But still, that little extremist idea of mine is what drives me.

So, dejunk I must.. weekly.  Now, that is just physical dejunking.  Next, is digital: my computer.  The computer is such a great thing to have.  We reduce the usage of papers and files.  Everything can be stored conveniently because it's all digital.  The best part, you don't see these clutters peaking out of the screen surface, so you feel "tidy."
That is until you venture into mine.  I have photo files every where.  I have documents typed out, letters, notes, and songs.  Then there is those downloaded photos or videos or powerpoint presentations and things you got from forwarded mails that you think.. "aww.. so cute.. I'll save it because I might want to use it someday."  Someday turns to 6 months, then turns to 6 years. And it sits there untouched except it was moved from a folder or something.

When I said I need to be more organized, I wasn't lying.  I plan to SUCCEED.
(Insert Black Friday Target lady enthusiasm here)

Anyways, let me leave you with this cute little baby... and no, I didn't suddenly have a baby. Her parents were kind enough to let me come take pictures for them. :)

Leah, at 2 weeks old. 

P/s: Oh and a quick shout out to Natalie, who's birthday is today! Happy happy birthday! :)

NaCl

I miraculously succeeded in baking bread today.

To me, that is a huge milestone achieved, with regards to my lack of culinary skills in the kitchen.  On top of that, that was the one thing I had mentally categorized as a task that only REAL home makers can succeed.  Today, I crossed over and entered that zone.

I am still in shock.
.
.
.
.
.

Okay. I think I can move on.

So, over a month has gone by and I'm still married.  And yes, we are still in love.
I went through a bout of mixed emotions and struggled with aimless despair as we got settled in and life adjustments was setting in.  It feels like immigration paperwork was never ending.  The long hiatus of my pharmacy career still showed no silver lining.  The ward we are in is overwhelmingly large that I feel like we were just another speck in a bucket of sand.  I itched badly for some photography project.
On top of all that, I desperately want to know, what is the next step?  Every where I searched and turn, gave no clear direction as to what I must do next.

I am amazed at women who look towards the wedded life in being a home maker and truly embrace motherhood.  I have talked to those who had admitted it is their innermost desire from an early age.  Then there is me, who feels like I'm rotting away just sitting at home and ashamed that I am doing "nothing."

Something was wrong with me, or so I thought.  That is until Clifford pointed out that we all grew up with different backgrounds along with various set of values.  A value that is important to one may not be as important to another.  Things that I held high value of importance for are just as important as the things I feel were "nothing."  So, day after day, I chugged along and do what I can and took every thing one day at a time.  And when the time calls for it, Clifford is there to comfort and remind me of what mattered most.

He is my Chloride to my Sodium.  NaCl.  A comparison that was used by Pierre Currie, who was trying his best to explain how he felt in the most scientific romantic way he could possibly do in the old classic, "Madam Curie."

"I find it impossible for you to leave Paris.  I am kind of nervous and impatient, you are a clear mind, tenacious, never give up, it is an excellent combination.  I might compare it to the formula NaCl.  Sodium chloride.  It is a stable necessary compound.  So if we marry on this basis our marriage will always be the same, the temperature is the same, the composition will be the same, no distraction, no fluctuation, none of the uncertainties.." 


....In our case it will be a wonderful collaboration, A WONDERFUL COLLABORATION."

I admire Madam Curie.  I think about all the successful people in the world and how they succeed.  Most of which starts with an extreme obsession over whatever it is they do.  The obsession was so intense that they eat, sleep, talk was mainly about that one thing.  It is so strong that nothing seemed to be able to slow them down nor discourage them.

I need to find my obsession.  Clifford is definitely, one of my many. ;)

P/s: I got my photography itch scratched. Check out my latest project here.

Resolutions. Better Late than Never.

It's February, and I am finally sitting down to write out my 2012 resolutions.

I have not forgotten about it, mind you. I actually made some already just that I need to put it down in words to ensure that it materialize.  There is power in writing goals down and I believe it.

1. EXERCISE
For a few years now, exercise has been a consistent one to have.  Clifford had pointed out something for me to observed after the festive season on how the stores will start focusing on exercise equipments, promoting it, giving great bargains, because that's just what everyone's resolution for the new year will be. At least one of it. To loose all that weight gain from gorging during Christmas and Thanksgiving.

Little did I know, that moving away from the nice warm tropical weather of Malaysia, would pose it challenging to get into the the exercise habit.  Winter gets pretty cold and being cold is not the issue but having your ears hurt because of the cold can be daunting.  My few attempts of going for a run in the morning after moving here, were reduced because 10 minutes into the run, my ears will hurt and I feel like it is going bleed all the way home! But don't worry, it didn't.

Then, I was introduced to the treadmill machine.  My first few tries on it and I end up getting motion sickness from staring at the wall in the little room all throughout the run.   Running indoors never appealed to me.  To me, running is an outdoor sport, thus it only right to be doing it .. outdoors. That is then I realize how the cold hurts the ears.  I overcame the motion sickness and began to love it.

Now that we are in Utah, in our tiny little apartment with budget in our hands, having a tread mill is not an option for now. And I am back to trying to figure out how to make this running of mine a reality.  I have been taking short walks, to fulfill the exercise quota and at the same time forcing my ears to get use to the cold. So far, so good.  Hopefully soon, I can start running again.

Cholesterol may not be an issue here since, I don't think I have much seafood to eat around here. Sad, but I guess it's for the best.

2. PHOTOGRAPHY
My last year's goal to upgrading to a full frame and also earn money from it has became a reality. I even worked on using manual mode much more now.  However, now with the new move and new environment, I am force to have to start a new with trying to work at being a shameless self promoter, along with stepping out of my comfort zone by applying the old missionary principle of OYM (Open Your Mouth) and talking to everyone.  The ward we are in is massive. And it is filled with young families and newly weds.  So, I guess I can start here? I have to admit, it is intimidating though.
I guess life is about growing and breaking out of your comfort zone is one way to grow.
In the meantime, I am pushing myself to do "a photo a day" assignment, what with the beauty of smart phones and a great amount of photo enthusiasts everywhere to help critique or give comments on your photos, I am looking towards to also stretch myself creatively by exercising the artistic eye as much as possible.

Here is my current photoblog of works I have done so far.  Ideas on improvement, critiques, better title, etc.. are most welcomed.

3. GUITAR
Teaching guitar was a lot of fun and I miss my students that I had when I was back in Malaysia.  I am so glad it became a reality out of the resolutions made.  It gave me more incentive to practice more myself.  So, once more, I shall find students to teach.

4. TEMPLE
Having lived in Malaysia, where the nearest temple available is either a 4 hour flight to Manila, Philippines or Hong Kong, China and chances of making it there, is probably at the most, once a year.  So, now that I live close to one, I'm hoping to be able to go at least once a week?  We just went shopping for a temple dress and everything that is needed last Saturday. I am excited to have my very own temple things to use.  No more having to rent or borrow.

5. DATE
Now that I am married, and although it's pretty much date night for us right now, we can get caught up with things that would reduce our quality time as a couple. Like last night, we watched a dvd together, but we were multitasking, me on the computer reading up about Madam Marie Curie and Clifford was reading one of the Harry Potter books, while watching Rush Hour. So yes, actual date time without distractions. Once a week.

6. UTAH
It's funny how I always end up in places I never really dream of living in.  Not that it's bad, but just often not quite what I had planned or even had in mind.  For example, right now.. being married and living in Utah, with a husband going to school, a very much popular Mormon culture that I never really dreamt of living but, yet, here I am. But like Perlis or Kelantan, or anywhere else I end up living in, you make the most of it.  So, while we are here, I want to attend General Conference in Salt Lake City and visit every touristy spot of Utah as I possibly can. It should be fun. And maybe be able to capture the "essence" of Utah on camera, while I'm at it. :)

7. RECYCLE
I believe in going green and I also believe that there are always all kinds of household items that are not in used anymore can be used for something else. Like plastic milk cartons can be turned into a sandwich lunch box that I found on pinterest (or if that don't work, you can try this link.)  So with that in mind, to find ways to DIY with whatever you have at home before resorting to buying whatever it is that I think I may need.

8.  ORGANIZE
My mom is the queen of organization when I was growing up. And now that we have a small apartment to manage, I should be able to do so without too much difficulty, I hope and emulate her example.

9. PATIENCE
It is my one weak virtue. Patience. Patience with time. Patience with life.  Patience with Heavenly Father.  Patience with people who are close to me. So yes, it is something I will include to work on.

10. TIME
To utilize time more efficiently and to be able to choose and prioritize.  The good, better, best comes in line with this.  I love the internet and how much you can get out of it.  But do I utilize it accordingly? I can sometime spend a whole afternoon of just reading on wikipedia, links after links after links.  Or facebook stalking one person after another.  Or just plainly looking at people's blogs from all over the world.  Sometimes, I ask myself, what good did it do me to sit in front of the computer all day long? I may gain knowledge, sure, but what about every other things I need to do? Chores? House cleaning? Exercise? Errands? Earning money? Etc.

11. CELLO
I finally collected my cello.  A generous gift given to me when I was on my mission.  I have always wanted to learn to play it and now with time in my hands, I can.  Let's see how much self teaching I can do with this before I need to start finding a teacher to teach me.

12. PHARMACY
And lastly, I need to figure out what to do with myself, career speaking. The debate of going back to school or not and getting qualified as a pharmacist here.  Some soul searching and a lot of prayer will be required to decide if I should pursue or wait. Will we be living here or might we move to another country where they would accept my degree without much trouble? Or would we end up living in Malaysia again where I can just return to the service and finish up what was left?

Ah. So much possibilities, so much things to do and SO LITTLE TIME!

Mrs!

How does one write and describe what just happened in the past couple of days without jeopardizing the true awesomeness of everything??

I left my decision of wanting a bouquet and wedding cake till the week before the wedding.
Months before, Ivy sent me a wedding preparation list which I looked and then kind of tossed it aside.

Checklist includes :
1 year before, what to do.
6 months before, get these things done
3 months before, make sure you do these.
And the list goes on.

I followed almost none of it!

I picked out my dress online.  When it was delivered, the measurements were wrong. I had to get it fitted.
Dress and alterations in total : $150-180. That included a steal of a jacket I found to go with the dress at the market, which all I had to do was to sew a lining to make it chaste. ;)

My shoes. I searched everywhere for something on the aqua marine side of the color but found none and then a week before I moved across the world, I finally found one that I love, and figured I'll just get it, even if the color wasn't what I was looking for all these months. That was $60? Can't quite recall.

Engagement photos: Self done.

Hair: Self taught watching youtube video.

I didn't even have my nails done until Fei forced me into letting her do my pedicure the night before.

So, yes, I wasn't your typical bride.

But you know what? I wouldn't have had it any other way, because everything turned out beautiful and perfect and the best part, I didn't have to turned into a bridezilla.  All because of so many wonderful people who have helped, coaxed, advice, and even forced!

In the end of it all, I am glad. Glad that we were able to have it simply, just like how it was suppose to be and being able to just enjoy the day and soak in the reality of it all on how wonderful it feels to be married to your best friend. :)

(An ex-colleague of mine help drew this for us. He's an awesome cartoonist.)

3 more days

Being back in California is awesome.
I've missed it so and I never thought I would be back here for a long long time.

But here I am, and in a few more days, I will be getting married.

So much emotions are running through me.  The nostalgia of being in my mission area once more, (although now, this area has been handed over to the Carlsbad Mission not too long ago.) Everywhere I turn, the people, the places, all brought back so much memories of the fun times I had with my companions who I had served with when I was here.

The joys and heartaches.  Temecula was my first area and I was a greenie with such great expectations of the work that I broke down after a few weeks because we found no one to teach.  I searched for answers and examined everything that we did in hoping to find out what we did wrong. I even gave my poor trainer a hard time because I thought she was holding out on me on the secret of being a great missionary.
Yes, I was pretty hard core.

I left home, with an angry father and a big question mark as to what is going to happen to my expensive hard earned degree as I came out and served.  So I wanted to make it worth the sacrifice. That is, to find the elect.  But instead, I learnt other valuable lessons that I had once taken for granted.

Now, another phase of my life is about to kick start and what better place to start.  I get a lot of questions as to why California, and why San Diego?

I moved my life once more to take the next step in life, and this involved moving away from family, great friends, career and amazing Malaysian food.  So, my next place to call home would be the place where I spent 18 months serving and laboring in field.  People here are almost like family to me.  The person who is sealing me is like a father to me.  And for me, the one who never thought of ever getting married, and yet have someone I know personally and love to marry us, now that is something.

Then there's the emotions with regards to marriage. I am excited and nervous at the same time. But more so, I am extremely grateful for all the love and support received so far.  My parents and the future in laws are traveling from afar and has put in a huge sacrifice to be here. The wonderful members around who are helping in every way possible and of course, my wonderful fiance, who, for the life of me can't figure out how is it that he can love me so to want to spend eternity with me. ;)

3 more days!

(sneak peak of my art work for the wedding) *wink*

A New Year

It just dawn on me that today is not only the new year but it is also my baptism anniversary!

While everyone is thinking about their hopes and dreams for the new year, I end up thinking about the day I stepped into the waters of baptism.

My brother and I fought a lot. But on that very evening, on the way to the church house (yes, it was an actual house), we had a solemn discussion at the back seat of the car, about the change that was about to take over. We agreed that we need to stop our attempts of trying to kill each other and be more civilized. It was the first time either one of us truly spoke and came to a truce, and that is, to coexist peacefully.

That was 13 years ago.

I think about all the many things that has happened in my life.  The trials, the joy, the pain, the happiness, the people I have came to know, those who had hurt me, those that were wonderful and those that had inspired me. Then I think about how the gospel had played a role in all my decisions and how in times of pain, I miraculously held on.

I almost thought I would never made it this far. But I did.

The new year is always a hopeful occasion in which most look forward to a new beginning.
In my circumstances, it is also a reminder of the decision I made to be a better person and to believe.

So, here is to the New Year!

Post Christmas Blues

And just like that, Christmas is over.

The moment thanksgiving was done, Christmas lights and decorations were put up, Christmas songs were heard everywhere, Christmas programs televised, and all that for one day worth of celebration..... and then it's gone!

It doesn't feel right.

Contrast that to celebrations of Chinese New Year, Hari Raya, Deepavali.. I think we have the technique of celebrating festivities done right, with more time to savor the occasion. :)
Chinese New Year last for 15 days which ends with a big bang by celebrating Chap Goh Meh.  Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Deepavali, on the other hand is often dragged on for 1 month, continued food galore, open houses to attend, people to visit.

Such is the difference but it does remind us of how fast time flies and year 2011 is coming to a close.

Oh what a year.

What have I achieved so far?

I have been feeling aimless as days go by, mostly because it feels like I have no direction as to where my life is heading apart from getting married and starting a life with another person.

I think it has a lot to do with this nagging feeling that I have failed my father's expectations in terms of career and this long hiatus of not being able to work, nor do anything along that line makes it a little disheartening.

For the most part, I feel okay but there's always this feeling tuck at the back of my mind/ heart that I wish I could appease. With what and how, I don't know.
Everyone around me, specifically friends, seems to be moving forward with their lives, achieving their dreams, crossing milestones in their lives, opening up businesses, getting promoted, earning lots of money, and I'm still.. the same. 

A bit depressing, I know.

To add to that, Christmas had to end abruptly. 

Sigh. 

But fear not. All is not lost, because, I am EXCITED for the new year! It's that time again to make new resolutions and review how far I have made it on my 2011 resolutions. 

So stay tune! :D