Me? Marriage? Seriously? - II

I never knew my last post would have evoked so many comments.
Even those that didn't leave a comment on the blog, left them on my Facebook inbox.

I think I had wrote a somewhat brief post that left many to think I'm backing out. And thank you for the comments.

I am going to attempt to further explain my last post.

Marriage can be a wonderful thing.  Any sane person who is in love would want to be with the other person as much as they can, and having that binding covenant between one another reaffirms the feelings you have for one another. The idea is so romantic that it is almost every girl's dream.  It was the lesson on temples and eternal family that won me over completely during my missionary discussions as an investigator. I was 16 then.

My fear is that do I have the ability to give all of myself to another?  To give sufficiently enough that qualifies to be a good partner, spouse, and even a parent one day?

I have been pleasantly comfortable being single for a period of time, enjoying the freedom of not having to constantly think of another to make a decision about something, and most planning involves just you. And I think I have gotten a bit selfish after a while.

I believe love is real. But I have difficulty believing that it is something that I, me, Lyanne, is entitled for the same like every other couple that is in love and starting a life together.
I'm constantly bombarded with the "what ifs"...

"What if he ends up getting bored with me?"
"What if I get fat and he won't love me anymore?"
"What if I fail in making him happy that he decides to leave me for another woman?"
"What if it's true that my parents broken marriage can be genetically passed down to me, causing me to repeat history?"

or

"What if I'm so emotionally 'damaged' that I cannot love anymore?"

So, all in all, it's just more about me not sure if I'm able to take this future step without screwing up, because if I did, the consequence is not just for me to bear, but it also involves the person I'm marrying, no?
But despite all my doubts and fears, I have had an amazingly supportive and patient fiance.  So, I guess, I have to just remind myself to deal with it like how I did with bungee jumping. Just do it and JUMP!